Hello, and welcome to “Under Pressure Enterprises”, Customer Service Department.
This is Kelly. How may I help you?
Yes, I’m calling about one of your rice cookers I just purchased.
What seems to be the problem, sir?
Seems? There’s no seeming about it!
The blasted thing shoots hot steam all over the place, that’s what!
It nearly scalded my hand when I went to open it.
While it could have killed the cat or something. It could have exploded and killed my wife and me!
Sir, sir, please calm down.
As long as the steam escapes the cooker, it won’t explode.
So you’re telling me there’s no problem!
Are you calling me a liar?
Sir, no one is calling you a liar.
Yes! So I demand a full refund!
Under Pressure will be happy to refund your money, sir.
Now I just need some basic information.
OK, OK. Sorry. I do tend to get a little hot under the collar.
My wife tells me to slow down…
So, what do you need to know?
Sir, don’t worry. I just need to ask you the model number of the cooker.
where are my glasses? Ah, here!
And how much did you pay for the product?
It was on sale, I guess I should tell you.
Thank you, that’s honest of you.
Now, where did you buy the cooker?
Which store and which branch?
At that big Electric Life appliance store downtown.
The City Centre Branch?
That’s the one.
And you say the problem is that the steam escapes?
Yes, it does!
No problem, sir.
If there’s steam escaping, clearly the cooker is broken or defective.
So we have an R242 cooker with an escaping steam problem.
It was bought from Electric Life’s City Centre Branch for 89.99.
Is that correct?
Yes, that is correct.
Oh, I nearly forgot. When did you buy the cooker?
Just as soon as my wife got the crazy idea she’ll live longer if she stops eating good English food: roast beef and mash.
No, all she says she wants is rice and vegetables and sauces you’d not soak your feet in!
Sir, sir! When did you buy it?
Oh, there I go again. Let’s see…
we bought it just 6 months ago!
We hardly used it either.
But 6 months? Is that too long?
I mean for the warranty?
Very well, that’s well within the warranty period.
Now, what’s your name and address?
Name and address! What for?
Sir, it is company policy. If you want your money, you must inform me.
Money you say?
Oh, my name is Herbert Hewitt and my address is 84 Park Road.
Is that here in Coventry?
The postal code is B0241DJ.
But I don’t think sending things in the mail is very secure or very efficient.
Don’t worry, Mr. Hewitt, don’t worry.
We can credit the money to your credit card.
You do have one, don’t you?
Yes, that’s how we paid for the cooker.
Oh, yes. We still have the number on the computer.
I only need to ask your card’s expiry date.
I’m afraid I never give that sort of information out.
I mean, once you have that, anyone could go charging things and…
Sir! I said your expiry date, not your card’s password.
Oh, er, yes. Foolish me.
Of course, you didn’t say “password”.
That will be April 2008.
Very well, your card still has nearly 2 months left to go.
We’ll get that refund right to you, probably by 5 o’clock this evening.
You had better!
If I don’t get my money…
wait, wait. Yes, I know I’m losing my temper again.
I really am sorry.
I haven’t had my medicine today.
And sir, just one more question for our record.
How often do you go shopping at the City Centre Branch?
Oh, well it’s hard to say.
I suppose maybe once a month.
But I can tell you this, if I don’t get my refund, I’ll never shop there again!
I think it’s time to start looking for another job!